Afterwards, Joel and I went over to our little house. It is down out of the air. Finally. The guy who hoisted it up in the air, took our money to build a foundation and then didn't but instead quit answering the phone --turns out he did that very same thing to more than a dozen people... They've sued him and taken him for everything he had... but we were too late to the game, we've got nothing for a whole lot of something... and we're out tens of thousands of dollars we don't really have. And we really had to scramble and work and scramble and work... tear our hair out... weep.
But, now the house is down. We drove up in to our little drive --the whole lot has been trashed... gravel, foam, broken bricks everywhere... and there is a sign taped on our door... we are in violation of city code because of the construction stuff in the yard... So, it seems we have nice neighbors too, reporting us like there isn't construction going on or something... can't they see??? We're working on it as hard and as fast as we can!!!!
I had stuffed a step ladder in the back of the car, in case we had some time... and we climbed up in to our little cottage together for the first time. Considering that we had four months of uninterrupted freezing winter, and temperatures way below zero for a considerable time, and wild spring storms with lacerating winds --the house is in better shape than I had thought it might be. The floors are intact. The old plaster has cracked in places from when they put the house down. The soda cans had exploded all over the kitchen (we expected to be back in the house before last winter began...). But, that's about it.
Witty and Paeha went crazy --sniffing everywhere, finding their toys.
It's been a year since we signed the contract to have the house lifted... . Exactly a year since we last had access. A helluva year.
And so we sat. Joel in the chair, me on the little sofa. We sat. Quiet. For 45 minutes. It felt like a week. It was wonderful. Now, we wait for the bids to finish it --give it a bathroom, a back door... the rest is details. Getting it down out of the air was a hurdle... major. Now on to the rest.
And now Joel is talking to me this morning --about creation and nature and God and western mind thought --in the Eucharistic prayer. And he is striving so hard not to make a point to point connection between what we know of ancient Christian prayer and what we see and hear of Lakota thought in the Eucharistic prayer from the Niobrara Convocation a few weeks ago... but he is going on about hearing and seeing God in the trees, in the wind, in creation --and how it does and doesn't apply to the ancient ideas of Incarnation --insisting that when God entered the world in human flesh and blood, it was for the whole world, and that means here too --and so there must be universal points of reckoning in our prayer...
Really? I ask. Really? Universal? In my mind, I'm still thinking about the house... and what he is saying seems like he's trying to make a tipi out of 2x4s and stucco... even though I know he is more astute than that... Or... building a brand new house and trying to make it seem old... it just wouldn't be the same... cheaper maybe, but not the same.
Or, perhaps it is like looking at a satellite picture of clouds, and wondering what someone on the ground might see in the clouds.
But, I know he is working through major concepts --like, the Lakota had no word or concept for "Sin"... much less Incarnation. ... much less Resurrection...
On the way home from Rapid last night, there was a huge storm south and east of us. We could see the lightening --and the clear sky with the stars beginning to emerge over our heads, the sun setting behind in a blue and pink. Day and night, both at once. The thunderhead clouds were a shocking white folding over on themselves in ominous gray and black. 'Look,' I had said. 'Do you see the lamb looking over its back, up there, in that cloud?' Joel looked. I wanted to correct myself and say 'Ram' but at that moment I didn't want to confuse the issue. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes, I do.' And the Ram/Lamb lit up with lightening, and then another cloud to earth strike with a bolt so obvious it was frightening.
And the Ram in the sky, filled with lightening striking the earth, and the corn rows and mowed hay, the young horses, the stars and sunset, the awe and fear, the glory and danger... I no longer care, I realized... I no longer care --I mean, no, that's not right --I care more deeply than ever, --but I no longer care if my Christian thought conforms entirely to the Greek philosophy that formed my ancestors in faith. I care more deeply than ever in Incarnation. I care more deeply than ever in Resurrection. I care more deeply than ever.
And I could care less if I have no temple of words or images. I could care less. There is something even more ancient --perhaps it is the vastness of the prairie, of the sky, of the wind... of the only word I know --creation. Which is not at all where the center of anything is.
I am even stymied by the difference of words such as "be" or "is"....
At the Wake on Thursday night, the Lay Reader was going to stand and read something. 'No', I whispered. 'Tell them what is in your heart, not what sounds good, not what you think they need to hear or should hear.' And the tears began, and the loss experienced at other times that resurfaced in this loss, and all the words spoken then forgotten now --meaningless, and grief so overwhelming. 'Yes,' I had said. 'All the more reason to speak what is in your heart.'
....thinking, speaking with our guts... .
--as if such a thing were possible....
At prayer this morning (Matthew 27:11-23)
Now Jesus stood before the governor; and the governor asked him, “Are you the King of the Jews?”
Jesus said, “You say so.” But when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he did not answer.
Then Pilate said to him, “Do you not hear how many accusations they make against you?” But he gave him no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed.
Now at the festival the governor was accustomed to release a prisoner for the crowd, anyone whom they wanted. At that time they had a notorious prisoner, called Jesus Barabbas. So after they had gathered, Pilate said to them, “Whom do you want me to release for you, Jesus Barabbas or Jesus who is called the Messiah?” For he realized that it was out of jealousy that they had handed him over.
While he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent word to him, “Have nothing to do with that innocent man, for today I have suffered a great deal because of a dream about him.”
Now the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowds to ask for Barabbas and to have Jesus killed. The governor again said to them, “Which of the two do you want me to release for you?”
And they said, “Barabbas.”
Pilate said to them, “Then what should I do with Jesus who is called the Messiah?”
All of them said, “Let him be crucified!”
Then he asked, “Why, what evil has he done?”
But they shouted all the more, “Let him be crucified!”
Jesus didn't have any words, either...
--and it is so much easier to continue to choose the wickedness we know, rather than risk anything else...
The Ram. The Lightening. The prairie. Day and Night, both at once.
Yours is the day, O [have no words for you],
yours also the night;
you established the moon and the sun.
You fixed all the boundaries of the earth;
you made both summer and winter.
[Dare I] seek the one who made the Pleiades and Orion,
and turns deep darkness into the morning,
and darkens the day into night;
[the one] who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out upon
the surface of the earth...
If I say, "Surely the darkness will cover me,
and the light around me turn to night,"
darkness is not dark to you,
O [have no words for you],
the night is as bright as the day;
darkness and light to you are both alike.
(playing with Psalm 74:15,16; Amos 5:8; Psalm 139:10,11
Perhaps you are not even "one"....
which is why "Trinitarian" needs to be blown out of the waters again....
Off I go...